they need to just BURY HIM!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
