I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
