ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
