sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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