im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
