i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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