She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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