i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
