Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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