We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize