reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
