If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
