We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
