i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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