Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
