we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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