just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
