my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i will never coherently bang her
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
