***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
