Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
