I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
