I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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