What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
