I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
