ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
