What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
