It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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