I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Damn victory sex feels great
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
