i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
