So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
