i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
