I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
