I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I will pee on everything he values.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
