my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
