Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
