So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
