Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
