Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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