I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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