I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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