CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
