No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
