i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
