looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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