Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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