her vagine was all disorganized.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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