Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
