Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
