Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
