Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
