How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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