and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
