I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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