not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize