Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
