I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
