i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
