what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
