You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
