This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
