Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
