Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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