woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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