after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
