i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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