i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
