The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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