This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
