he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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