you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
