Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize