wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
