Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
