see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
