Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
