Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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