Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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