Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
