I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
