apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
