so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
