and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
