her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize