I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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